Vikram’s Viewpoint: Never give up

By Opinion Editor Vikram Mahajan

Last weekend, I was watching yet another Bollywood film on Netflix, yet another with the same formula: the protagonist is rejected by his interest, but seeks her out persistently, and eventually wins her over. Alternatively, the couple breaks up, but after repeated entreaties, and repeated rejections, the hero (not one to lose heart or hope), is able to win her back anyway.

It’s a heartwarming if predictable plotline. It’s a message encapsulated in an episode of The Office, where Michael tells Jim, in urging him to continue his pursuit of Pam: “Engaged ain’t married. Never, ever, ever, give up.” 

Never give up — a simple yet uplifting message, one that can be applied to not just romantic relationships, but to career aspirations, academics, friendships, and countless other life situations. The more complicated question about this simple panacea is if it truly always works — and sometimes, it quite evidently does not.

A friend of mine last month had a falling out with a friend she dearly cherished. The argument was entirely her own fault, and she tried hard to reconcile. Yet her entreaties were to no avail; her friend refused each overture. 

Eventually, my friend abandoned her efforts. This utterly defies the conventional wisdom of countless rom-com movies: unrequited friendship; no happy ending; a protagonist who gave up?

Initially, my friends and I had encouraged her efforts. Surely enough apologies, coupled with time the great healer, would rekindle such a close friendship. Yet gradually, it became clear to us that reconciliation wasn’t around the corner. More gradually still, our friend reached the same conclusion. 

The friend told me how much she still missed that friend even weeks later. But she could no longer let those feelings escape her lips in front of the person they were for. My friend, simply put, had accepted an unhappy ending for herself.

Whatever happened to “never give up”? Wasn’t this a lack of perseverance, of dedication and sincerity, to give up on winning her friend back? Far to the contrary, speaking to her, I realized the fortitude it took to accept that defeat each day.

And from her experience, I myself learned an important lesson: “never give up” has its exceptions. For all the positive characteristics we associate with never giving up, we often fail to appreciate the necessity of giving up, of accepting ugly, unhappy truths — for the sake of ourselves and those we care for. And we fail to see the courage and character it takes to do so, to give up when you want to keep fighting, to live with even what you can’t bear to accept. 

Now I’ve realized that real strength comes not from never giving up — but from having the wisdom to know when to, and the restraint to hold yourself back. It comes from accepting that you can’t sometimes can’t paint over the many mistakes you’re bound to make in life — from forcing yourself to lay the paintbrush down and accept the portrait of life with all its blemishes and imperfections. Because even if you can’t paint over them, there’s still much more of the portrait left to paint.