Opinion: Advocating for my education

By Staff Writer Megha Vashisht

Raised in a South Asian household that prioritized  academic success above everything else, the first 12 years of my academic life felt like all of my life’s purpose was how well I did in school. I longed for my parents’ praise and attention. However, accomplishing that was easier said than done. 

I loathed each day I had to attend elementary school because I compared myself to my classmates every waking minute. Whenever I brought the trimester report cards home, the consistent 2/4 scores were never the 3/4s my parents wanted to see. I had so many questions: Why was I slower at doing things than my peers? Why did I struggle to listen to what teachers told me to do? I was told enough and more times that I was lazy and wouldn’t study enough which is what led me to that position. Because of that, I developed very low self esteem at a very young age.  

When I entered MSJ, my GPA dropped from a 3.8 to a 2.8. There was one instance in my freshman year when I earned an A on a math test, which was rare at the time. That evening when I went to tell my parents, they were more concerned about some complaints from my math tutor earlier that day, so my good score meant nothing to them. Even when I performed well, it didn’t seem to matter because the focus was always on where I fell short. I began to realize I was receiving more negative attention than positive. Thus, I devoted myself to extracurricular activities in school as a coping mechanism and an attempt to make friends to improve my social life. I volunteered at our Spring Expo, joined the Smoke Signal, started Shadow Month, joined marching band, joined choir, joined Water Polo, and joined Link Crew, yet making friends was always difficult. I spent two dreadful years at MSJ struggling with my grades and making friends to the point that my motivation for doing anything had deteriorated. I felt absolutely miserable going to school everyday because I didn’t feel like doing anything productive, which was reflected in my grades. I would be rewarded with a D or a C with each test I took, sometimes a B if I lost sleep studying for it. Each time my grade went down, my motivation for getting it back up went down with it.

When my junior year started, one of my teachers had told me that she had concerns with ADHD enough times that I told my pediatrician. Upon hearing about my grades, she was concerned as well and referred me to places where I could get diagnosed. However, my parents were uncomfortable that I even brought it up. They thought being diagnosed would make it harder to get into college or become successful. They didn’t understand what ADHD was or how it negatively impacted my daily life. Since they only knew of a singular person who was diagnosed, they generalized the symptoms and came to the conclusion that having ADHD was impossible for me. At that point, I felt completely hopeless and that my life was over — if I lived in a world where my life was reduced to that of an academic slave. The next morning, I left a note for my counselor that I was running away and was reported missing about one hour later. 

After I turned myself in, my parents finally started taking my concerns seriously and made me appointments to get diagnosed for ADHD. I had the privilege of meeting a wonderful doctor who was coincidentally also Indian American. It felt amazing to relate to an adult about the mental health stigma surrounding Indian culture. She reiterated to me several times that I was smart and as capable of academic success as any of my peers. Not only did she diagnose me with ADHD, but also Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Major Depressive Disorder. 

I was relieved upon receiving my diagnoses because I finally had answers to all of my questions. Why wasn’t I scoring as high as my peers?  Why was I always the last to finish a test or an assignment? However, it did frustrate me that most of the adults in my life were berating me for something that was out of my control. ADHD and ASD don’t  appear out of thin air; it is something one is born with.

Because these conditions were with me from the start, it was deeply saddening that my disorders were diagnosed late. Despite the obvious symptoms I displayed at a young age, misinformation prevented me from getting help. Since no one in my family knew that ADHD existed, my symptoms were incredibly overlooked and I was constantly blamed for things that weren’t under my control. The stigma around mental disorders and disabilities is an epidemic within Indian culture and ignored greatly. “Many lives, especially of younger generations, have been cut short because their mental health struggles were ignored, dismissed, or hidden due to shame and cultural pressure,” Anjum Khan, author of the Devastating Impacts on Mental Health Stigma on South Asian Lives said.  If I hadn’t changed course, there is no doubt I would be doing significantly worse mentally and academically because I wouldn’t be receiving the help I needed. 

My parents’ perspectives changed significantly after I was diagnosed. They quickly realized that my past struggles were not because of laziness or defiance. While the cultural stigma didn’t vanish overnight, my parents started to be patient with me instead of critical. For the first time, they fostered a supportive environment and apologized for their mistakes in the past. It is truly amazing how awareness toward mental health can improve one’s life for the better.

Currently, I am learning how to be easier on myself and focus on the things I can do rather than the things I can’t and recovering my dangerously lowered self-esteem. After I got diagnosed with ASD and ADHD, it was like all of the pieces of the puzzle of my life magically fit into place. It was a relief to know the reason behind my supposed stupidity and that all of the complaints my previous educators had about me were incorrect.  I have made peace with the fact that my grades were never my fault and if things continued the way they used to, my grades would never magically improve like I used to think. I am grateful that I was able to advocate for my education. However, my motivation to achieve academic success is not as evident as I’d like it to be. I am currently taking an executive functioning class to assist with that. 

As for my ADHD, I noticed that heavily caffeinated Starbucks drinks help me become productive and prevent procrastination, but I have yet to receive medication for it. In the meantime, I have been receiving extra time on homework and tests due to my newly issued 504 plan. The accommodations have been helpful and I am hopeful that my motivation will return with time.