Between the Lines of Love

By Staff Writer Abigaile Lei

It’s not difficult to see the love between my parents. It’s not electric or fiery, but it’s there. However, when I imagine love, I think about butterflies in the stomach and starry-eyed conversations. In the current day, with so many portrayals of couples online to model ourselves after, it’s easy to get mixed up in the different feelings and stages of love, and misinterpret it for something else. Observing my parents over the years proves a different story, and it took me a long time to realize that.

They met at Berkeley, my mom studying CS and my dad pursuing electrical engineering. Their relationship is easy yet complex; my mom is moody and my dad is upbeat, she is quick to anger while he is cool-headed, she cooks and he cleans. Everything is understood between them, and they rarely fight, if ever, and never in front of me or my sister. I once asked my mom why she fell for my dad. She laughed while looking at him, telling me about how when they were young and dating, he used to arrange orange slices into flowers for her on the plate and make her curry after a long day. “He spoils me,” she said, grabbing his hand. 

As the years went by, I witnessed my parent’s relationship from different stages of my own life, from watching them eat dinner in elementary school to laughing together during family trips as a teen. As I grew older, I realized that their relationship is unique and mature, built less on grand gestures I see everywhere online and more on the little moments, those that might be overlooked if not noticed immediately. When I grew into the age when I was ready to search for my own relationship, I was determined I knew where to look.

But in a world where there is always something to look at, I wonder whether seeing so many relationships from an external lens has actually made it harder to understand what I want. In the digital age, social media introduces constant comparisons, promotes unrealistic expectations, and makes affection feel increasingly performative. I grew up surrounded by reels of elaborate dates, expensive gift portrayals on TV, and couples documenting every milestone they tackled together. For a long time, I measured love in gifts and material gain, and the more I watched my parents grow together, the more my understanding changed of what many mistake for love; sometimes, real love is not about how loudly you express it, but how consistently you show it.

Somehow, amidst all the noise and business of the world, my parents still find little moments together. My dad never misses a chance to tell my mom he loves her, and she never fails to cook his favorite foods. When I asked my dad about what he believed love was, his answer was something I expected to hear but struggled to grasp. “Love is actually not a feeling; it’s a commitment,” my dad said. “It’s being there for someone and showing up when it means the most to them.”