By: Staff Writer Hairol Ma
Ahh… the season has dawned upon us for finals, otherwise known as Failure-Inducing Not Awesome Lame examS. We dread it coming, we put off studying, and after winter break, we realize with horror that the many hours of lost sleep are only two weeks away. Oh no! you think, I don’t have enough time to raise my grade! No worries, the Smoke Signal has got you covered.** With our quick and easy guide to studying for finals, you’ll ultimately find yourself enjoying these Fantastically Intelligent Neat And Luscious examS.
STUDY TACTIC #1
We all know that last-minute cramming often just results in a tear-stained textbook, a thirty-minute nap before school, and many, many empty bowls of Shin Ramen. However, did you know that a simple and easy way to cram and get tons of sleep has been right under your pillow this whole time? That’s right – simply tuck your textbook under your pillow the night before your test. Unbeknownst to the inexperienced scholar, information will flow from an area of high concentration to low concentration, according to the law of diffusion. Now you can get your sleep and be able to recall the entire textbook, right down to the appendix, when you wake up the next morning!
STUDY TACTIC #2
It is scientifically proven that study breaks will enhance performance. However, brief respites definitely won’t do the trick. Your mind needs time to integrate all your studying into real life situations. After two minutes of studying, make sure you take a long break in order to rest your mind. Start a new show on Netflix or watch a Korean drama. Both options are known to be very educational and mind-stimulating.
STUDY TACTIC #3
“Experts” will always try to advise you to eat foods such as blueberries or oily fish to stimulate your brain. We are here to tell you today that these foods are, unfortunately, nothing compared to the mind zapping abilities of Xxtra Hot Cheetos. The zesty spiciness will bring you to tears as you marvel upon the sheer knowledge you are absorbing. Make sure you pack a few bags (we recommend a minimum of twenty) in your backpack so you can munch on them during your test. Your classmates will also be invigorated by the spicy powder drifting near their noses as you crunch enthusiastically. If your red fingerprints show up on the scantron, make sure you label your marks as the blood of your efforts.
With these three key steps, you’ll definitely be acing your finals with minimum effort and even a sense of enlightenment. Though times may be tough, just know that with a few packs of Xxtra Hot Cheetos, Netflix (or MyAsianTV), and a pillow, you’ll have a blast completing your Fantastically Intelligent Neat And Luscious examS.
**Disclaimer: The Smoke Signal is not responsible for any unsatisfactory grades, increased myopia, headaches or permanently red fingertips.